you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
