My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
