He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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