I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
