my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
