So drunk its hurt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
