I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
