So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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