when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize