Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
