I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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