I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
