Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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