just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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