Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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