So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
