You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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