Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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