i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
