Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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