i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
