i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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