You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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