Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
