im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
