He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
