I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
