did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Green mimosas i think yes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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