New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vagina is officially offended.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
