You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
