I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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