That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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