Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
