I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
