Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ugly people sure do ruin things
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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