He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
