i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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