If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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