Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
