Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
