i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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