She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
