You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
