So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
