hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
