she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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