Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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