that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
