Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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