Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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