I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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