Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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