is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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