Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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