i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
