2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
