Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize