He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
