he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
