Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
