So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
