you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
