Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
