Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
