Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
