Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
