everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
