You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
