forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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