The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
