just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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