I showed him my bush... on skype.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
