there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
