I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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