Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
