We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
