I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
