She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
